Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Glitter Gone to the Dogs


If you can't tell this wonderful dog (or is it a cat? deer?) is first COVERED in glitter... Second... ummm FLOWERS for EYES?  WHAA???  I really don't see in any world where flowers used for eyes is a good idea.  OK, I take that back, the rose parade is allowed.  Lastly, we must address the "collar"  A piece of plastic plant as the collar?  Plus the green of the collar completely clashes with the rest of the craft!  Enjoy the horror!

Monday, September 29, 2008

Rock a bye baby

Nothing says "I love babies" more than punching a metal rod through their bellies and attaching them to chains, letting them swing all day long from the ears. Did I mention that they are also naked and upside down? There's just something that I don't like about these earrings, but maybe you already have the perfect outfit for these.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Our Trip to the Beach


What self respecting craft blog would be complete without the shell box?  I will admit that as a child I LOVED things like this.  I also loved collecting every single shell on the beach though.  (I now feel bad for my parents for the rocks/shells I used to bring home... seriously what are you going to do with all of those things?)  Really though, as an adult where could this possibly go in your house?  What decor would match this work of art?  I'd be afraid of poking myself anytime I picked it up.  Quick someone call a doctor, cause the beach just threw up all over a perfectly fine box.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Shark around your neck

I imagine that this woman gets many comments on her choice of jewelry, but I don't think that they are compliments. It's wrong for so many reasons. First, the shark is from a Lego set. Yeah, Legos. I don't normally browse through the toy section to find pieces for jewelry. Secondly, that's a plastic Snickers bars. Granted the craft would be much uglier if the candy were real, but why wear plastic candy, especially one with such a large label? Thirdly, those two horrible reasons are combined into one craft! And I have other questions ... why would a shark, plastic or otherwise, eat a candy bar? Why is the candy bar nearly as big as the shark? Just how low does her shirt need to be to showcase this cool necklace? And does that make this necklace more sexy?

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Another Science Experiment


When I was in high school I refused to do any of the cutting and what not during biology.  Not that I was "against" the whole thing or anything like that, I just don't do well with medical type stuff.  I can't watch someone get a shot, I can't hear about someone's surgery (I don't know how I survived a c-section).  Anyway, back to the craft at hand... PLEASE tell me this was a science project?  Or perhaps a gift for that professor friend of yours that has everything.  Either way, someone's got a sick sense of style!

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

For cold weather

When the weather starts to turn a little cold, I pull out my, er, fingerless gloves. No, wait, my arm warmers. Or are these, um, imaginary muscles? Nevertheless, I suggest you get some too. Nothing says stylin' like short sleeves and these puffy knitted things. Keep your fingers exposed for more important things. Like blogging.

Monday, September 22, 2008

WHAT is she Wearing?


So this particular craft caught my attention because well... have you SEEN it?  There are so many things wrong with this... we'll have to start at the top.  What kind of "hat" is that?  It doesn't look like anything anyone would wear ever.  Then the strange ribbon that wraps around not only the hat but the neck, waist AND hips.  She looks like she's being burned at the stake by a variety of flowers with her hands tied behind her back.  Totally how I want to celebrate 4th of July... or Bastille Day... you decide. 

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Carnival clown

This is goes from ugly to bordering on creepy. Maybe it's the huge head that's looking off to the side or the small arms with obvious screws in the shoulders which are holding a carvnival ticket. Clowns, if that is what this is, give me the willies. And with good reason. All those movies, not to mention Scooby Doo episodes, with demented clowns and such. Yikes. Maybe this would make a good Halloween decoration because there is no way that is hanging on my wall year round.

Friday, September 19, 2008

If the Tie Fits...


What do you do with your husbands ties?  ....


make PANTIES of course!  Cause during those intimate moments you know you want your husband to say, "hey, those remind me of your Grandpa's funeral!"  Have you held a tie?  They are usually made of pretty thick fabric.  I just don't see how that could be comfortable to wear!  So raid your husbands closet today and make yourself some intimate apparel from your husband's favorite tie!  I'm sure he'll just love it.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Forever immortalized

What are you going to do with your old potty seats now that the kids are completely potty trained? Recycle them into picture frames! That's right, you can use the old potty seat as an adorable frame for that one special picture! I suggest the one of your little one actually using said seat, as using his/her school pictures and placed on the family wall might look a little strange. Then again, a potty seat with any picture might look a little strange on any wall.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

"Cute" Skulls


As Lisa mentioned when she emailed this little craft to me, anything with the words "cute" and "skull" in the same description is a little bit suspect.  The creator uses the word "cute" a little loosely I say.  The reasons these are so wrong is first, if you are into skulls and bones and happy stuff like that, I'm almost positive you aren't browsing around for embroidered ones.  So who is this marketed to?  Don't even try and give me "Halloween" because no self respecting crafty person would be caught dead with these on their fridge (they are magnets) even if it is October. 

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Two heads are better than one

I guarantee that you will be noticed if you wear this brooch. It features the heads of conjoined twin sisters amid tulle, pearls, lace and dice. It's got a bit of the grandma in it (the doily), a bit of high style (pearls) and a whole lot of ugly. I keep looking at this picture hoping to come up with something creative to say, but I just look at it, and it looks back and me, and all I can say is "Wow. Wow, that is really ugly." So there you have it.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Institutionalized Pen Holder


Good thing this pen holder has some extra padding.  I was nervous that it was going to harm itself, so luckily someone created a padded room for it.  The other horrible thing about this puffy monstrosity is the color scheme... some parts look like a pattern, and then there is a random pink puff thrown into the orange row, or a green puff in the blue row?  Not to mention the fact that the colors themselves are all sorts of wrong.  Everyone knows that orange doesn't go with red!  Yet, there they are right next to each other in all their clashing glory!

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Ring around the collar

Closely examine the picture and fill in the blank.

This woman is wearing:
A) An Elizabethean collar (hoping to bring back the fashion?)
B) Clown collar (that would explain the hairstyle)
C) Dog cone (to prevent the biting of her stitches?)
D) Tutu (obviously misunderstanding where tutus are placed)
E) None of the above (you have a better explanation?)

Friday, September 12, 2008

Porcupine Plant


So, I've had this particular craft up my sleeve for a while now... I still can't quite figure out what it's supposed to be.  My best guess is a plant, but really why would you ever want this prickly beast in your home?  Do you hang your keys on it?  Do you admire it's porcupine-like quills?  It has NO PURPOSE, just to sit there in it's gold plated candy dish and look crazy. 

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Building baby brains

Encourage brain growth for your babies! Listen to classical music while pregnant! Subject them to all sorts of arts while at a young age! But beware! In some rare instances you may get more brain growth than you really want.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Does It Come With a Little Fetus Too?


Please tell me this is for a science project?  Right?  The only problem is I don't remember ever having projects like this for science or for health.  So sadly this leads me to believe someone just wanted to make a uterus out of yarn.  The REALLY sad thing is that the ovaries are missing.  Couldn't you just make a couple little balls and attach them with a string?  Was it that hard to actually complete the project?  I mean, if you are going to make a uterus out of yarn you might as well go all the way, right?

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Boobie bag

Hooray! A use for all those pretty, little bras I used to wear two kids ago. I can see a couple of good reasons to switch to a Boobie Bag. Adjustable straps. You've got a clutch and an over the shoulder bag and finally, you know exactly how much you can stuff in this bag (wink, wink).

Monday, September 8, 2008

Naked Soap


Now if this was a little dress for a wee little girl it really wouldn't be that bad... but this dress is for soap.  I don't know about you, but I think my soap is just soap.  It does not need to be dressed.  It has nothing to cover up.  Most people have soap, it's not like you are hiding the fact that you ... GASP .... OWN SOAP!  So I say, "put down the crochet needles, you've gone a little too far"

Sunday, September 7, 2008

To top it off

These two crocheted beauties show you that not all ugly crafts are those that are quickly thrown together. A lot of time and yarn was put into these creations. The first looks as though she is in the process of morphing from the Abominable Snowman. And the second look to be some sort of magnet for striped birds. Or is it a carousel? I can't tell.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

You Don't Want to Know


Really, I promise... YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW!  Girls... I'll bet you can guess though!  I just am curious who in their right mind would wear this... let alone MAKE it!!  I mean really, there are just no words for this particular craft, except to cringe, and weep for the future.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Doggy bags

Never again will the words "doggy bag" bring to your mind the image of a clean, white box in which to hold leftovers. These doggy bags must be for the dog owner who can't bear to throw anything away, even if that something used to hold dog chow, as it plainly states on the front of the bag. I'm not exactly sure what sort of function one would take this bag to and I hope that I never have to see this sort of bag used to hold anything except dog food. But then as every dog has his day so we must expect every dog chow bag will have it's day too. Perhaps a few rhinestones to brighten it up a bit?

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Hello, Mr. McDonald, You Are Missing Some Inventory


The only thing that comes to my mind when I look at these is Rainbow Chicken Nuggets with eyes.  Now I remember the whole "troll" phase with the creepy dolls with all the hair, but these poor little nuggets don't even have a full set of hair.  Just created and already having male pattern baldness.  Somehow they are all a little stoned too what with the dilated pupils and all.  They must have needed a little something to take their mind off of going bald so early in life.  Poor little nuggets.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Cat on a hat

What goes through my head when I see a craft like this is ... What are you going to do with this? Do you wear it? What exactly do you wear if you have a giant cat on your head? And then, because you don't want to wear it, you're going to hang it on the wall, right? You should, course. Right above the kitty litter box. Because really, he's the one that's really going to appreciate this work of art.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Eye Carumba!


Apparently these are pin cushions.  Because when I think of pin cushions I think of giant EYES!  Not that I didn't have eye issues before (because believe me I do, I can't even watch someone put contacts in!), but this is just compounding my eye issues to the nth degree.  I think it takes a special sort of person to want to use these, like a voodoo witch doctor of some sort!

Monday, September 1, 2008

Creepy Monkey


I don't care who you are, this particular craft has the power to give nightmares to parents AND children!  What in the world could the purpose of this be?  Why is it eating spaghetti?  Why creepy monkey do you exist, WHY?